Aftershock
by Catherine Antrim
Summary: An alternative ending to the episode Aftershock, as it was meant to be. Claire survived the crash and was paralyzed.
1. The Week Before

The Week Before

It didn't really matter whose place they went to anymore. It was either Jack's decidedly bachelor apartment on the west side or Claire's little third floor walk up in midtown. Both were small, barely lived in.

Jack had moved into his apartment following his second divorce, over a decade ago and, from what Claire could tell, it had scarcely been thought of since. The bedroom was practically empty, a bed, gray sheets, a closet half full of gray suits, white shirts and red ties.

The kitchen was even more bare, Claire doubted Jack had ever made anything more ambitious than cereal in it. The living room was the only place remotely lived in, a few photos of his daughter, shelves of well loved books and records and one very comfortable old arm chair that Jack had kept after the divorce.

Claire didn't know this, but when she lay naked, asleep in his bed, sunlight on her face and arms, Jack sometimes thought perhaps he could feel at home here.

Claire's place wasn't much better, despite her somewhat more feminine touch. It was her first place without roommates, a freedom she had a first longed for and now she wasn't sure. It was odd having to buy things she had long had access to but never owned, items that should be thoughtless like a can opener or screwdriver suddenly things she has to consider.

Her building was prewar and the high ceiling and big windows made up for a lot of her disinterest in decorating. She had, unlike Jack, bought curtains and art and at least made an attempt to make this home, but like Jack, she spent so much time at the office it scarcely felt lived in despite her efforts.

Tonight they were at Jack's, and it was moonlight illuminating Claire's small face and brown eyes as she looked at Jack through the dark. They had just made love the air was hot and seemed to buzz, perhaps from the electricity running somewhere in the walls. Jack ran his fingers through her hair. It wasn't the time to talk, but Jack's searching eyes said it well enough.

"I'll be there tomorrow, and the next day," she said softly. She wasn't the kind of girl for gentle pillow talk, but it had been a very long day.

"We don't need to talk about this now," said Jack. "Go to sleep Claire."

But the air was buzzing too loudly and Claire couldn't sleep.


	2. After the Aftershock

After the aftershock

Jack was still drunk when his phone rang, it was maybe four am and he was hesitant to even get out of bed. He had been angry when he went to sleep, frustrated at being stood up, and he had felt guilty too. Claire never stood him up for no reason, surely she still had felt sick and stressed from the morning's events, that was his fault.

It was probably her now, calling to apologize and he would just feel worse because it wasn't really her fault at all, and because she was always the one to apologize, he was the stubborn one. He was the one who went to bed still fuming. Now his voice sounded hoarse as he answered with a rough "Yes?"

He shook as he got dressed in the dark, his body still felt stiff and sick from drinking but his head was now clear. The sterile smell of the hospital hit him hard. Lennie was sitting alone, hunched over in one of those plastic cushioned chairs that all hospitals seem have in common.

"Where is she," said Jack. "Can I see her?" Lennie looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot. He was silent for a moment and then opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the nurse.

"She just got out of surgery, are you her next of kin? She's not conscious yet"

"I'm her boss," said Jack. "I'm a Manhattan DA, I need to see her."

Claire, for all her strong suits and high heels, was not a large person by any means. But Jack had never seen her looking so small, like she might disappear. Tubes were attached to her mouth, nose and arms. Her head was bandaged and both her eyes were blacked. Jack slumped into the chair beside her and took her hand. The nurse was still watching. "Should I contact her family?"

Jack nodded and finally spoke. "Her father- stepfather- is a professor at Harvard Law. I don't know his name. I'm sorry, that's all I know. I'll stay with her."

The nurse nodded and left the room.

Jack watched her breathing, and watched the little arcs on the heart monitor, and held her bandaged hand.

_Once, after a particularly long day, Jack and Claire had headed to their favorite bar downtown. Claire had had one drink too many and Jack had taken her home in a cab while she laughed and made jokes about their failures in court that day._

_In bed that night they talked into the darkness for hours. Claire said everyday she grew more disenchanted with the legal system, no system that treats women and minorities as equals can truly be equal, she said, because society was inherently unequal. Someday, she said, she might get fed up and go into private practice, she wanted to defend abused women._

_"What would I do without you Claire?" Jack had said._

_"You wouldn't be without me," She replied "Why would you be? Where I work doesn't matter. I'm with you because I want to be, because I love you."_

_She has said it so offhand, but Jack was touched and taken aback. Somehow they rarely talked about what they were doing. It didn't make sense, they were lawyers, talking was what they did. However it was right then that Jack realized their lack of dialogue wasn't because their feelings didn't exist, but because they didn't need verbal recognition._

_"I love you too Claire."_


	3. In the Hospital

In the hospital

"Are you the boyfriend?" the doctor asked, looking Jack up and down.

"I- yes. I suppose so" said Jack. He and Claire had never put any label on what they were doing, they were having a secret affair at work, nothing else, but somehow it had become something more.

"Well you might want to have a seat."

Jack sunk into the chair.

"She's in a coma. Her chances are good for coming out of it though. High brain activity. Most of the damage was to her lower spine. She most likely will never walk again. And there is something else. Did you know she was pregnant."

Jack maintained his composure as his heart sank. "No, I didn't"

"I doubt if she even knew- she was only six or so weeks along. But she lost the baby. I'm sorry."

Jack nodded and looked across the room and Claire. Her eyes were closed and her skin was practically translucent. He missed her.


	4. The Waking Up

Rebecca had been born two months premature and had to spend her first month of life in an incubator. There had been a joke among the nurses, who kept a log of all the infants visitors, that next to Jack Mccoy's name it simple said "Always." Jack slept on the chairs outside the infant intensive care unit. He took his meals in the cafeteria. He drank coffee from one of the vending machines down the hall. Nancy came when she could. Although given the option of maternity leave, she chose to rush back to work. Besides, she, like Claire, hated hospitals. Hating hospitals, it seemed, was almost as common as hating lawyers. Jack would normally have thrown himself into work too, but someone had to be there for Rebecca.

Jack's dedication to Claire was similarly constant. Although he had to return to work, he did so without his usual zeal. He left on time. He took his meals in Claire's room. He wanted to be there when she woke up. But as it happened, he wasn't. He got the call in the middle of a trial, and he had to keep going for several hours. When they adjourned for the day, he rode his motorcycle as fast as he could to Saint Mary's. Claire's parents were in her room already so Jack stood outside not wanting to interrupt.

"How is she?" he said, when they came into the hallway.

"She's still very disoriented. She's asking for you though."

Jack entered the room, not sure what to expect. Claire looked up at him with the eyes he had missed so much.

"Hey," she said, attempting her rogue grin.

"Claire," he said softly. "Oh my Claire." Her face fell and she looked very weak and sad for a second, and tears formed in her eyes.

"They told me about- the baby. I'll never walk again they said..."

Jack sat beside her and put his arms around her, she was still covered in thick bandages but she kissed him with her soft lips and he put his hands on her face in that comforting old way he used to.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault Claire. It's all my fault. I'll do anything I can to fix it."

Claire just leaned her head on him and let him hold her, too weak to talk anymore.


	5. Coming home

Claire was released a week later. Jack and her stepfather had to help her up to her room together and when her parents had left, Jack helped her undress and get in bed.

"I'll have to move, I suppose," she said, Jack was hanging her clothes in the closet and she was staring up at the ceiling. "You know, I never quite felt at home here, but somehow it's hard to think of leaving it."

Jack unbuttoned his shirt and took off his pants and turned off the light before climbing into bed beside her, he felt odd next to her like this, it was so familiar and yet all new. He was almost afraid to touch her, afraid to cause further harm. He wondered if it would ever be effortless again.

"You can come stay with me," he said. "There's an elevator in my building, and a doorman."

Claire was silent for a while in the dark.

"It's hard enough not being able to dress myself, I don't want to lose my independence."

"Just for a while Claire, you can't face everything alone."

Since her injury, Jack had learned a lot about Claire. He knew she took Prozac. He knew she was scared of hospitals (even though she pretended not to be). He knew she wanted children someday. He knew she had been engaged once, in college. He knew she was a neat freak, all her silk shirts and wool skirts were hung perfectly in her closet, buttoned and zipped. He had slept here a hundred times and never noticed.

"I don't want this to... to change anything. I know that seem impossible, but I just miss things being normal."

They fell asleep holding hands and Jack didn't notice Claire's eyes were wet.


End file.
